6 myths about your window cleaner

Whenever I’m downtown I see these window cleaners high up cleaning windows of the skyscrapers that make up the gorgeous skyline of Pittsburgh. I always think to myself, “That takes serious guts. I could never do that job.” It does take a special kind of person to do that job. You have to be able to have strength and endurance and of course a lack of fear of heights! I believe that window cleaners are completely misunderstood though. I think we should abolish the myths of these brave soldiers of windex, so I present the 6 myths of your window cleaner.

6. They must be adrenaline junkies. Okay, this one may be true.

5. You must be a manly man. Seriously?! It’s the 21st century people. Women can even vote now. Besides we have been cleaning windows for centuries. We are probably way better at it anyway!

4. They are only using windex.  Shhhh! You’re not supposed to know about that!

3. All window cleaners drive. Not true, I have seen them on the bus before.

2. They wear a Spiderman costume under their work clothes. I decided to find out for myself whether vigrx plus work or not this was true. It is not. Again, my apologies Mrs. Denham… I did enjoy your Darth Vader underwear though. Please don’t file sexual harassment on me, I already have 3 cases pending and another one would not look good. Also, you might have to pay extra for them to climb the building using their spidey powers.

1. All professional window cleaners must have been Sherpas in their previous lives. This can’t possibly be true can it? Let’s just say that it’s not. I can’t prove it but then again I can’t disprove it.  Also, I’m starting to get hungry so I really just wanna be done with this.

So now that I have completely debunked all 6 myths…. sort of… okay not really. Let’s just say I did. Either way, let’s just say I did it, you should now see your window cleaner with a completely different eye…(preferably not someone else’s) . The next time you see those window cleaners up high on their scaffolding bringing sunshine to the poor people stuck inside the building, give them the thumbs up. Chances are they won’t see you but maybe their spidey sense will pick it up.

What you talkin bout window cleaner?

When I started writing for this blog I had no idea what any of the terminology meant. Hell, it had been a good year since I had cleaned my own windows. I had to spend an entire day on google trying to translate the blogs that were written before I had published mine. Then, I realized if I couldn’t translate the stuff I was reading how would the readers? So I decided that I should write a sort of key for readers to use when reading the terminology of a professional window cleaner.

IWCA, GANA, GIB- These are the various organizations of professional window cleaners. We have the IWCA, which stands for If Window Cleaners Acted. It’s a deep dark secret that window cleaners are celebrities in disguise. Then you have GANA, the Glass Awareness Nagging Association. Their job is to consistently nag until your windows become clean (It’s the women’s department).  Lastly we have the GIB. The Glass Idealist Blogger. They are the hipsters of the glass world. They blog about what’s cool for glass and what’s so 2001. They did it before it was cool.

Tempered glass- When you don’t clean your windows on a regular basis, they become VigRX Plus upset. Yes, that’s right, your windows throw a temper tantrum. Hence, tempered glass.

Fabricating debris- Well, this is obviously when you lie about debris falling. Like “Hey ma look outside it’s raining scrap metal! Haha made you look!”

A fall safety plan- It’s a safety plan you can only use in the fall. Wait, what about the other three seasons? That’s just gonna have to be a whole other blog.

Glass protectant- You know those guys that bounce at the clubs? You can hire them to keep an eye on your windows too. That should keep the dust and dirt away.

Hard water- This one is so easy. It’s the water from the ghetto. Don’t mess with it or it will pop a cap in your ass.

NSP- National Suppliers Paradigm. It can’t be solved.

Rain Guarantee- This is when your window cleaners do a little rain dance then give you a receipt guaranteeing rain.

The more you know. Now that you know what all these complicated words mean, you won’t have trouble deciphering the rest of this website! The next time your window cleaner starts speaking this gibberish you will know exactly what he is talking about. You’re welcome.

5 reasons rain doesn’t clean your windows even though you think it does

Ever think “Well I was going to go wash my car but since it’s raining, I don’t have to because the rain will wash it for me.”? You’re wrong. Also, just because there is a hurricane whipping at your window and flooding your basement doesn’t mean that your windows are clean. On the contrary my friend and here are the reasons why;

5. Rain brings debris. The water from the rain may wet your windows but it’s not going to protect your windows from flying debris which as we all know is filthy. Nothing like a tree branch through a window to ruin your afternoon.

4. Rain water is not clean. Sure, it comes from the heavens but we don’t know if  God purifies his water. We don’t know for sure that he has a Brita filtering system! There could be any amount of creepy crawleys and bacteria that’s in rain water, but we do know that it does not contain Windex which HGH is a vital part of cleaning your windows.

3. Rain water streaks. It’s true. The drops dry on your windows and the tree branches flying at your window do not work as a squeegie. So  when the rain stops you are left with dried drops on your window and your house looks like it has polka dots.

2. Mother nature is not a licensed window cleaner. She has no idea what she’s doing. Would you let some moody insane cat woman clean your windows? No? Then don’t let mother nature do it either. It just makes sense.

1. Rain doesn’t clean your windows because it doesn’t. Did your mother ever tell you “Because I said so.”? Well it’s kind of the same thing, because it doesn’t.

If you really want your windows cleaned and you don’t wanna do it yourself, hire a professional. Besides, hiring someone to do a job for you has a tendency to make one feel a little richer!