6 myths about your window cleaner

Whenever I’m downtown I see these window cleaners high up cleaning windows of the skyscrapers that make up the gorgeous skyline of Pittsburgh. I always think to myself, “That takes serious guts. I could never do that job.” It does take a special kind of person to do that job. You have to be able to have strength and endurance and of course a lack of fear of heights! I believe that window cleaners are completely misunderstood though. I think we should abolish the myths of these brave soldiers of windex, so I present the 6 myths of your window cleaner.

6. They must be adrenaline junkies. Okay, this one may be true.

5. You must be a manly man. Seriously?! It’s the 21st century people. Women can even vote now. Besides we have been cleaning windows for centuries. We are probably way better at it anyway!

4. They are only using windex.  Shhhh! You’re not supposed to know about that!

3. All window cleaners drive. Not true, I have seen them on the bus before.

2. They wear a Spiderman costume under their work clothes. I decided to find out for myself whether vigrx plus work or not this was true. It is not. Again, my apologies Mrs. Denham… I did enjoy your Darth Vader underwear though. Please don’t file sexual harassment on me, I already have 3 cases pending and another one would not look good. Also, you might have to pay extra for them to climb the building using their spidey powers.

1. All professional window cleaners must have been Sherpas in their previous lives. This can’t possibly be true can it? Let’s just say that it’s not. I can’t prove it but then again I can’t disprove it.  Also, I’m starting to get hungry so I really just wanna be done with this.

So now that I have completely debunked all 6 myths…. sort of… okay not really. Let’s just say I did. Either way, let’s just say I did it, you should now see your window cleaner with a completely different eye…(preferably not someone else’s) . The next time you see those window cleaners up high on their scaffolding bringing sunshine to the poor people stuck inside the building, give them the thumbs up. Chances are they won’t see you but maybe their spidey sense will pick it up.

What you talkin bout window cleaner?

When I started writing for this blog I had no idea what any of the terminology meant. Hell, it had been a good year since I had cleaned my own windows. I had to spend an entire day on google trying to translate the blogs that were written before I had published mine. Then, I realized if I couldn’t translate the stuff I was reading how would the readers? So I decided that I should write a sort of key for readers to use when reading the terminology of a professional window cleaner.

IWCA, GANA, GIB- These are the various organizations of professional window cleaners. We have the IWCA, which stands for If Window Cleaners Acted. It’s a deep dark secret that window cleaners are celebrities in disguise. Then you have GANA, the Glass Awareness Nagging Association. Their job is to consistently nag until your windows become clean (It’s the women’s department).  Lastly we have the GIB. The Glass Idealist Blogger. They are the hipsters of the glass world. They blog about what’s cool for glass and what’s so 2001. They did it before it was cool.

Tempered glass- When you don’t clean your windows on a regular basis, they become VigRX Plus upset. Yes, that’s right, your windows throw a temper tantrum. Hence, tempered glass.

Fabricating debris- Well, this is obviously when you lie about debris falling. Like “Hey ma look outside it’s raining scrap metal! Haha made you look!”

A fall safety plan- It’s a safety plan you can only use in the fall. Wait, what about the other three seasons? That’s just gonna have to be a whole other blog.

Glass protectant- You know those guys that bounce at the clubs? You can hire them to keep an eye on your windows too. That should keep the dust and dirt away.

Hard water- This one is so easy. It’s the water from the ghetto. Don’t mess with it or it will pop a cap in your ass.

NSP- National Suppliers Paradigm. It can’t be solved.

Rain Guarantee- This is when your window cleaners do a little rain dance then give you a receipt guaranteeing rain.

The more you know. Now that you know what all these complicated words mean, you won’t have trouble deciphering the rest of this website! The next time your window cleaner starts speaking this gibberish you will know exactly what he is talking about. You’re welcome.

Satan called, he wants his dirty windows back

So last night I was reading and I heard my phone ring. I answered it and it happened to be Satan.  He said that he had had it with all this window cleaning.

“What in the Sam hill are you talking about Satan?!” I replied.

“I work hard all night long to keep those windows dirty. Do you know what it cost me per hour to send my minions out to dirty up windows?! It costs me $3,645! Then you people just come in behind us and clean it up! Who do you think you people are?!” Satan screamed at me through the phone. If I had recognized the number I would not have picked up the phone. Here I was trying to enjoy this quiet night by myself and instead I was being yelled at by Ol’ Beezelbub. I did not have the time or patience for this little man. However, I was kind of confused so I decided to give him 5 minutes and hear what he had to say.

“I didn’t know that dirtying windows was your kind of thing. I figured you would be busy torturing sinners down there.” I said.

“That’s a different department. I didn’t even know that this was going on until Cathy from Human Resources called me to inform me that we were over budget in the dust bunny department. You people are seriously killing my account here. I can’t afford to keep making all those windows up there dirty! I would really appreciate it if you could spread the word and let people know to please stop cleaning their windows! You’re killing me here!”

“Okay Satan. I believe that people hgh growth hormone here on Earth enjoy clean windows. It lets the sun shine in, makes rooms look bigger, ups the value of their homes and offices, and just generally makes people feel better. I am not going to hinder that! That’s like taking the joy out of Christmas!” I replied defiantly.

“Listen Merry, I understand where you are coming from but couldn’t you just do me this one solid? I mean come on. The people up there don’t really know what they want! Who needs all that light shinning in their houses blinding them? Who could possibly want all that joy?! I will sell you a new soul if you just make people stop cleaning their windows!” Now he was begging. I was in need of a new soul as I had previously sold mine for a box of chocolates and a campfire mocha from Caribou, but then I realized it wasn’t worth it. The people of earth deserved clean windows! They deserved happiness derived from clean windows and higher property values!

“NO.  I cannot do it Satan. I won’t. So you keep dirtying windows and A to Z Window cleaning will continue to clean them and bring joy to the world!” I then hung up my phone. He repeatedly called me but I refused to answer.  So, the reason I shared this story with you all is because we can’t let him win. We must keep our windows clean. I find some joy in driving up his expense account and so should you. Don’t let Satan win, have your windows cleaned. I know a great company that does an excellent job too. (Hint: it’s A to Z window cleaning)

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